Current mood:	tired
Current music:	The sound of Speedy playing video games in the bg

Wanted: New Friends

I should probably post an ad on craigslist or something about how I want new friends. Wonder how many sicko responses I would get?  "C'mere little girl....I'll be your friend." 

I had a very nice meal tonite (very nice meaning the food we ate) w/Yankee Chic, Michigan Girl and their friend. 4 successful, professional women having a nice dinner in downtown Chicago.  And I felt like I could have been watching paint dry.  I was that bored and out of it.

I just could not force myself to participate or contribute to the conversation no matter how much I tried. I would jump in here or there and get no big reception - a smile, a smirk or a nod - thats about it.  And I really had ZERO interest in whatever was being discussed at the table.  Trust me, it wasnt nuclear fission or photosynthesis.  But lots of ramblings on about people we/they used to know. Ragging on some girls' (who was not in attendance) loser boyfriend. The friend of theirs is a newlywed so of course lots of newlywed talk. Blah blah blah - kinda like the teacher in the Charlie Brown cartoons.

I found myself between the appetizer course and the main course looking at these women and feeling like I dont know them at all. Like I was sitting at a table w/complete strangers.  But if I was w/complete strangers, I probably would have been more interested.  I cant quite describe it, but I looked and listened and really didnt give a dam about what they had to say. They werent talking about anything that had to do with or affected me directly.  I just kinda looked around the table and wondered "why the hell am I here". Ok...the food was excellent (part of me and Michigan Girls quest to try new restaurants).  But I felt invisible and at the same time was trying to make myself receed more into the background.

Maybe my non-inclusion was "punishment" for whatever they thought was going on at Spyball Sat nite. You know how women can be. Of course - none of them even had a clue what was going on.  For all they knew - I was having an issue w/ABM or Speedy or someone completely different.

I know that friendships dont always last forever.  And like any relationship, they need to grow or they die.  They go through changes over the years and they either survive those changes or not.  I am still friends with some people I met like my 2nd week of college and then there are other friends who I saw each and every day for years and years who I dont have any contact with anymore.  You outgrow some friendships based on where you are in life and where you are heading.  I think I've outgrown these people.

They were fine when I had ASF.  He was my best friend. He was the one I had intelligent, stimulating conversation with. He was the one I did unusual, creative things with. These "friends" of mine were just really for going out and getting drunk. They really, honestly and truly served no other purpose.  When ASF left, I tried to make them serve more of a purpose - and while it wasnt a good fit - it worked for the time.  At least they were "someone".  But now, as I'm doing MUCH better and more secure w/myself and what I need, I dont see as much use for them anymore. Going out and getting drunk - at least w/them - doesnt have the same appeal.  I have much more fun w/Speedy - even when he's grouchy.  I also have my work peeps - Martha Stewart Jr and the Crazy Russian to throw down with on occassion.

It's hard to make new friends in your 30's. There isnt much of a selection to be honest.  It's not like when you are in college and you are just totally surrounded by people your own age. Even in your early-mid 20's - it's easier.  There dont seem to be as many requirements, people seem to accept you as you are. But as we get older - it seems we put more and more requirements on who we let into our worlds.  Married or coupled off people generally dont want singles as "new" friends. Professionals generally want to be around other professionals.  Parents generally want to be around other parents. Single people all seem to have their groups set and dont have room for anyone at their table - it's like high school - only with linen napkins and 2 forks.

I know I say this all the time - but if I could magically transport all of my online friends here I would in a heartbeat. And even though we cant physically be in each others lives, I do give thanks that I have them in my life at all.  B/C w/out them - things would be very dark and dreary. I'll take email/IM/txt/phone over nuttin any day of the week.  There's always the potential for in-person visits (like when I showed up on Foo's doorstep - "Hi....I'm sac...nice to meet you...in person....LOL").